Reflections of the Proverbs, Part 10
November 13, 2025 | by: Dale Thiele | 0 Comments
Posted in: Pastoral Encouragement
I have found the perfect proverb to address church conflict. In a broken world of sinful people, church conflict is inevitable. And, unfortunately, church conflict is one of the causes of people leaving and staying away from the church. Christ calls us to be peacemakers. Therefore, we must know how to address and work through church conflict.
First of all, we must identify the root cause of church conflict. Some might assume that conflict arises from differences. Differences of preferences. Differences of convictions. Differences of perspective. But God made us to be different. Our differences can complement one another and strengthen the body. So, we cannot, and should not, say that differences are the root of conflict.
What is the root of conflict then? This “perfect proverb” brings us to the heart of the matter. At root is our heart attitude towards the people with whom we are in conflict. Proverbs 10:12 says, “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.” How we deal with differences with someone we hate is vastly different than with someone we love. That’s what this proverb addresses. Let’s unpack how this applies to church conflict.
The word “hate” is used in several ways in the Old Testament. In Proverbs 6:16 we learn that “There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him.” With the Hebrew poetic parallelism, we understand that hatred parallels what is an abomination. So, to hate is to abhor. Then in Malachi 1:2-3 we hear God declare, “I have loved Jacob but Esau I have hated.” The apostle Paul applies this verse to the doctrine of election in Romans 9:13. In light of this connection, to hate is to reject or pass over. Then we hear in Genesis 29:30-31 that Jacob “loved Rachel more than Leah” and “the Lord saw that Leah was hated.” Jacob preferred Rachel over Leah, which led him to neglect and ignore Leah. In this context, to hate is to neglect.
While there are variances in the meaning of hate in each of these contexts, and we need to be careful how far we press similarities between people hating others and God hating Esau, we can see a common thread: a devaluing of something or someone. Of course, there are varying degrees depending on the context. God has zero value for sin in Proverbs 6. Jacob still had relations, and children with Leah. And God’s hatred of Esau, in the context of the doctrine of election, takes nothing away from God’s love for and valuing of every human being created in his image.
Let’s apply this to church conflict and Proverbs 10:12. “Hatred stirs up strife.” When we do not value the other person as we should, we will think little of their differences and will do nothing to find common ground. Hatred stimulates stubborn refusal to care for the other. Therefore, there will be strife and conflict. One’s negative heart attitude toward another is the root cause for conflict within the church. The reason I specify “one’s” negative heart attitude is because one person in the conflict might be seeking to love the other, but conflict remains due to the fact that there is not mutual love in the relationship.
The flip side is love: “but love covers all offenses.” Peter echoes this sentiment when he writes, “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Pet. 4:8). This perspective also comes out in Paul’s teaching on love in 1 Corinthians 13:7, “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” This sort of love reflects the sacrificial love God demonstrates toward us when he offers his son in our place on the cross. It seeks to work through differences in order to maintain peace in the relationship. When sin is committed, this love calls for repentance and seeks to restore a right relationship. That’s the idea behind covering all offenses. This love does not hold grudges or seek its own gain. I think Philippians 2:3-4 captures the heart attitude moving in this love: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
Members at Oak Hills take this vow in their membership: “Do you promise to study the purity and peace of the Church?” I propose that Proverbs 10:12 captures the heart behind studying the peace of the church. If we operate from selfish motives without valuing the other person, there will be conflict, not peace. But if we seek to love others, count them more significant than ourselves, then offenses will be covered and there will be peace. To what path will you commit yourself? If you have taken this vow as a member of Oak Hills, you have committed yourself to love the people of the church, even when you differ with them.
